Friday, September 6, 2013

The World Of Technology - Where Sleeping Companies Sleep Together

Me: "Okay Google Now." (a rickshaw passes by). X: "Oi bhenchod, 10 rupee kis baat ke maang ra hai?"
Google Now: "I'm sorry, I don't understand what oi means. Or bhenchod. Or kis baat ke maang ra hai. Would you like me to search the web for it?"
There was a time when Nokia launched the N series, when Steve Jobs launched a new Apple product, Google came out with something new, Samsung did some break through copy cat work, a time where people actually looked forward to seeing a new phone or a product with an air of excitement. Social media went crazy lusting after a product, twitter trends crashed, facebook feeds exploded. Then Blackberry launched three phones *ehm ehm boxes* in two days, Samsung increased the screen size of the phones, reduced the IQ level of the people and started selling brick sized plastic boxes with sweets for software and people went gaga. Add to it the fact that their tag line was "Designed for Humans." Sure, I was bored of phones being designed for cats.
Umm alright, before I start writing and start imposing my teeny tiny beliefs on all you sweet minions, please lets all take a moment to notice that Android's next version is called Kit Kat. Apparently, whenever you get a new phone with Android on it, from this moment on, it's mandatory to split it into two and give one half of it to the person next to you. Seeing the size of Samsung phones that might as well be a nice idea and may make the phones easier to use, it's also important to note that in India not only will you have to split the phone into two, you'll also have to split the piece you have left into two more pieces, and those into two more so you end up by going back in time and have phones the size of a Nokia 3350. So now it's a multi use product. It makes calls, plays snake and can be used to hammer nails into walls.
But wait, you can't have that either, Nokia's no longer a company. Mighty (hahhahaha) Microsoft bought over Nokia over 7.2 billion dollars. Microsoft. Nokia. They remind me of two sad humans, who have no options left and end up sleeping with each other because no one else would even look at them.
7.2 billion, huge amount? Ha, Motorola was worth 12 billion. Apple is worth a measly 500 billion on the day of speaking and Google a little over 250 billion. So basically, Apple is worth over 70 times of Nokia. To think that Nokia had 68% market share the day the first iPhone was launched. Okay okay, Apple makes iPads and Macs and iPods and all the other things, but Apple's iPhone business is over 150 billion dollars, still over 20 times of Nokia. Not a fair comparison?
Alright then, let's take a little moment to reflect on the fact that Nokia was billion dollars cheaper than a freely downloadable software (Skype). But then again, this is the hilarious world of technology and I have nothing against Nokia. I must say I'm rather looking forward to Microsoft's all new Xbox Asha. Okay I'll shut up. Let's talk about dear old Blackberry. Rumour has it that they're looking to sell themselves. The hilarity of it is that Nokia beat them to that as well. HA, can't do a thing right, can you Blackberry?
If we're talking about everything tech then why leave out lovely Apple. "We think Apple makes luxury products. We may have had below 5% market share at one point of time in laptops. But so do BMW and Mercedes in cars. And they're considered the standard through which cars in the world are judged. We don't want to make sub standard me too products just to be a part of the competition" - Steve Jobs.
And now ladies and gentlemen, lo and behold. On the 10th of September, Apple is rumoured to launch the iPhone 5C, a budget iPhone. I shall not say anything more and leave you to laugh at Tim Cook.
But you know when all is said and done what really makes a difference is that Kit Kat is now going to come with a scratch card that might make you win a phone. That's a better deal than Ajay Devgn from Golmaal ever had. Then again, all that doesn't matter to The Dark Lord.
Me: "Alright Google Now, time to go to bed."
Google Now: "Whatever bro, my parent company owns Motorola, you didn't say a thing about that"